But what do we get much of the time? Relationships loaded with communication issues, irritability, conflict, misunderstandings, blame, hurt and anger! If you have a relationship like this you know what I mean. Stress grows and settles in your muscles and organs and you develop fibromyalgia, migraines, stomach problems, anxiety and depression.

The longer that relationship stress goes on, the longer your immune system is shut down, and the longer your muscles and organs are exposed to dangerous stress hormones. You are at risk. If you have an illness, it will get worse. If you have no illness yet, you will likely get one.

Here are the top ten tips for building DYNAMITE RELATIONSHIPS.

1. Move slowly and develop a strong foundation. Don’t get enmeshed in an
emotional relationship before you see the hazards and recognize the danger.

2. Nurture good relationships. Take the first step to schedule a get together or just chat on the phone.

3. Develop great communication and conflict resolution skills, and use them. This in itself can drastically improve a relationship.

4. Develop intuition and body awareness so you can identify relationship stress in your body immediately, as it is happening. Deal with the stress quickly and appropriately before it gets deadly.

5. Lose the denial. If something isn’t right, work on it rithe away. Don’t play pretend and wake up too late. All relationships have misunderstandings; it’s how we deal with them that counts.

6. Develop assertiveness skills. Passive people ignore their needs and get walked on. Aggressive people walk on others to get what they want. Assertive people learn to get their needs met without walking on anyone.

7. Learn to really listen. Listen with body, mind and spirit.

8. Be self-conscious. When a misunderstanding happens, check it out. Be sure you have all the information. Determine what part you played in the situation.

9. Get to know yourself, inside and out. Know what you want and need. Know what you like. Determine your values and priorities. Write them down. Believe in yourself and don’t compromise.

10. Choose healthy relationships from the start. Don’t go out looking for a red dress and settle for beige! Don’t be desperate - be selective.

If you find yourself struggling with your relationships, new or long term, don’t wait! The window of opportunity for change is narrow. Anger and resentment destroy relationships, even good ones. Life and relationship coaching can help you reach your goals and develop the DYNAMITE RELATIONSHIPS you desire.

If you think about it, every situation is slightly different. One time you might meet a woman in the morning at coffee, and another time you might meet a woman at a club at 1 in the morning.

If you wait too long to call her back, I think you run the risk of seeming like you’re just using a technique on her and you come across as a player who’s trying to do your thing on her.

When deciding how long to wait before you call or email, I think it’s important to ask yourself this question:

What will likely increase the attraction in this situation?

Here are a couple of ideas I have used with great success:

1) Email instead of calling first. I personally email the next day. I’ll start with a charming email to get the conversation started and then tell her that I’m going to call in a day or two.

This has the effect of making contact with her relatively quickly, but still creating anticipation because you haven’t actually talked.

2) Call the next day, and make a joke about the situation. I might call and say, Yeah, I was watching Swingers and they said to wait three days to call, but I was kind of in more of a one day mood…

If you didn’t get her email address and you must use the phone, just do your best to avoid being average.

I personally believe that our attention spans as humans are getting shorter and shorter. We have more and more information coming in from television, newspapers and other sources – and we’re getting cultural A.D.D. I think that if you wait too long, you’re risking either being seen as using a technique, or risking being forgotten altogether.

But if you make the opposite mistake and call too soon (for instance a few hours later), you run the risk of being seen as a needy Wuss who has no life.

I have written about why it’s important to leave immediately after getting a woman’s email andor number.

How long you should wait to call her back is a natural extension of this.

As a matter of fact, if you get a woman’s emailnumber and then you keep coming over to talk to her, it can almost be seen as waiting 5 minutes to call her.

There’s no anticipation, and it says all the wrong things.

A couple of other quick pointers for when you’re making that first call

1) Be busy. If you’re going to ask her to join you for tea or something similar, make sure you mention two times that you’re busy for every one time that you’re available.

2) Don’t linger on the phone. Make that first call short and to the point. If you stay on the phone for more than a few minutes, you’re running the risk of getting into a normal What do you do, Where do you live, Where did you go to school conversation. Avoid this.

To summarize, when in doubt wait a day or so to contact her again.

But more importantly, think about the situation in terms of anticipation and attraction, so when you do make contact it creates the correct context.

And now I have another question…

Do you enjoy learning the psychology of how to create attraction with women And do you enjoy learning the psychology of how to create more internal confidence… and how to overcome your Inner Game psychological issues

Yeah, me too.

In fact, I think that the psychology of success with women and dating is the most interesting part.
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If you’ve seen the classic cult movie “Swingers,” then you probably remember the part where the guys are discussing how long a guy should wait to call a woman after he’s gotten her phone number.

The scene really hits home for a lot of guys because it gets down to a real-world situation that we all confront and ponder.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I realize that this particular question (and the answer to it) are part of a bigger, more important CONCEPT about how to deal with women.

When a guy asks me How long should I wait to call her this immediately tells me a few of things:

1) The guy doesn’t feel like he’s in control of the situation. If he felt like he was in control, then it he wouldn’t ask, because it wouldn’t matter.

2) The guy doesn’t really get how male/female attraction works. If he did get it, then he’d be thinking in those terms rather than trying to figure out the exact best amount of time to wait before calling.

To put it differently, the “when do I call her back problem” is part of a bigger concept, and once you understand that bigger concept better, then you’ll have an automatic feel for when to call a woman back.

Most guys don’t get one simple point.

If you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you, then you must behave differently than if you want her to feel that just friends feeling.

In the world of ATTRACTION, things are completely different.

For instance, our moms taught all of us guys to be nice to women. This usually includes being sweet and complimentary when first meeting them, answering all of their questions directly, and giving them what they want when they want it.

But if you want a woman to feel that INSTANT GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION right from the beginning, then you’re going to have to put aside this kind of thinking, and start learning some NEW ideas.

For instance,

1) A challenge is generally attractive to women.

2) Teasing and being evasive is generally attractive to women.

3) Making fun of a woman’s appearance in a flirty way, as counter-intuitive as it might sound, can lead to ATTRACTION.

I’m trying to communicate the idea that when you’re dealing with ATTRACTION, you have to put aside old normal ways of thinking and behaving.

I would like to mention one more point before getting into the specifics here…

These days, people are becoming very sensitive to having techniques used on them. If a salesman uses a sales technique on us, we immediately get defensive and resistant. If a panhandler asks for money in a way that smells of technique we pass them by without pity. If a business treats us like a thing or a number instead of an individual person, we avoid them or buy elsewhere. We humans don’t like having manipulation techniques used on us, and when we detect that someone or something is using one to get the better of us, we resist.

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If you look at it from an ‘economic’ standpoint, it doesn’t benefit women at all to have their man running around having sex with other women. She can only be pregnant with one child at a time, and she can only raise a limited number at a time. So having a man who’s out spreading his seed is BAD BAD BAD for business for her.

When you’re out spreading seed, you can’t be working or at home helping. Even worse, you might have other kids with other women who will further divide your attention and income. (By the way, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with women’s perspectives. I’m just saying that if you look at it from their point of view, there’s not a lot of benefit to having a man who likes to sleep with a lot of women.)

So anything that promotes monogamy like religion is seen as ‘right’ to many women, as it goes along with what they think and feel.
Now let’s talk about men.

My research leads me to believe that men are ‘naturally’ inclined to have one main woman to whom they are devoted, but that they like to sleep with other women as the opportunity arises. You can believe what you want, but do yourself a favor and read Matt Ridley’s book, The Red Queen, before you start speculating.
Think about it. There are major advantages to men (or at least to their genes) to sleep with many women.

First, it doesn’t take a lot of energy, and there’s not very much risk involved. (I realize that there is risk of disease, etc., but for the moment think about the fact that a man could probably father dozens of children before a disease would take him out, making the tradeoff, genetically speaking, a no-brainer.)

I personally believe that men are hard-wired to look for sexual opportunities and seek out sexual variety. (Let me also add that just because you’re hard-wired to like sweet foods doesn’t mean that you should only eat sweet foods. This will lead you to sickness and eventually to disease and death.)

With this in mind, I’d like you to ask yourself
What are my beliefs about monogamy
Where did they come from
Do I like my beliefs
Do my beliefs conflict with my inner drives
Would I like to change what I believe based on this new information

In any event, from now forward, don’t let anyone or anything make you feel bad because of your NATURAL desires and attraction to women. (I’m of course talking about reasonable desires and attractions. If you like to think about hurting women, underage women, etc., then do yourself a favor and get some help.)

But if you’re like me and you were given a set of ideas about women that you are now realizing to be less than useful, then move on and start thinking about the subject differently.

My perspective is that sleeping with different women breaks no ‘law of the universe’, and it’s not an ethical dilemma for me. Any objections that are in existence were created mostly to control and not to liberate. My perspective is also that it’s important to be honest with people about your views. And yes, this means talking to women about them. In my life, I’ve mostly had long-term girlfriends. And if I tell a woman that I’m going to be faithful, then I am.

But if I’m single, then I see nothing wrong with dating as many women as I want. (Keep in mind that there are some crazy viruses, diseases, and other scary bugs that want to jump on your wiener. So use good judgment.)

I’ve found that if you explain this topic like I just have to a woman, you’ll often show her a perspective that she’s never even considered. My experience is that women actually LOVE to hear a man talking this way. It’s refreshing to women to hear a man being open about this controversial topic rather than hiding his ideas. It’s important to remember what I said above “It’s OK To Be A Man.”

If you are who you are and make no apologies for yourself, you will be taken seriously. But if you approach the topic cautiously and act like you’re trying to see if she’s OK with your views, you’ll be seen as weak and insecure.

I’ve found that most women will accept you as you are. But if you try to act like someone that you’re not and you’re found out, you will be treated with disrespect and ex-communicated.

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After many years of studying, researching, and trying many different things, I’ve now realized that there is a conspiracy against men being successful with women. It’s very real, and it’s very pervasive in our culture.

Let me explain.

Most men that I know have some kind of ‘feeling’ that it’s wrong in some way to sleep with more than one woman at a time. (I’m not even referring to a Ménage à Trois, either. I’m talking about plain old run-of-the-mill dating a couple of women at a time here.)

But most women that I know have more than just a ‘feeling’ about this idea. Most women are outspoken and very forward about the idea that it’s WRONG for most men to date and sleep with more than one woman. You can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices when they talk about this topic.

If you know what I’m talking about, give me a silent nod here.

What I’ve discovered by doing my homework is that the moral idea of monogamy (having only one partner at a time) has been formalized, passed down, and force-fed to us culturally by rulers, religions, and women for thousands of years.

I don’t mean to get too far out here, but I feel that understanding from where these beliefs came and how they are promoted will liberate many readers.

Anywhere from hundreds to thousands of years ago, rulers of lands kept large harems of women. These harems were guarded carefully to prevent any males except the rulers from having access to these women. The penalty for sleeping with one of the ruler’s women could be, in an extreme case, your own death and the deaths of everyone in your family and village. (Back then there were bigger risks involved!)

These rulers kept so many women not just for the sexual variety that it provided them, but also for the reproductive power that it gave them. These rulers often had detailed records kept so they could copulate with only the most fertile women and maximize the woman’s chances of pregnancy and passing on their own genes. So what do you think these rulers did to protect their harems?

Right! They passed laws (from which they were exempt) to promote monogamy.

In these times there was a great shortage of women, so these laws would discourage married men (those lucky enough to find a woman) from seeking sex outside of their marriage and therefore further protect the ruler’s harem.

Next, we have the church.

Many religions prohibit sex, make sex ‘wrong’, give it some name with a negative connotation like ‘fornication’, or in one way or another discourage it.

I once heard a wise man say, “Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and procreate and makes it wrong.” Why? Well, if you’re busy fighting your internal drives, and you see God as the only way to cleanse yourself of these ‘bad’ thoughts, then you are a much better SHEEP.

If you want to get people to follow you, first confuse them, then convince them that you know the way to get them out of their confused state. Easy.

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Many people agree that women are far more sensitive to body language than men are.

I have to say that in my experience, women can detect all kinds of things from body language. Ask a female friend to describe what’s going on with a person by looking at them, and you’ll be surprised at all the information they’ll give you.

So it follows that if women are so in tune with body language, you might as well get some of the basics together so you’re transmitting the right messages.

My opinion is that women prefer men who are confident, bordering on arrogant.

Most women will tell you that arrogant men turn them off, but I’ve found that if you mix humor with a little arrogance, it’s a killer.

So how do you use your body to telegraph confidence?

Well, first of all walk upright, hold your head up, and hold your shoulders back.

Next, SLOW DOWN your movements and make slower, calculated gestures.

Then, make eye contact and keep it when you see women. Don’t look away until they do, and kind of squint while raising an eyebrow.

I’ve done a lot of work in this area, and I’ve found that by SLOWING DOWN I create mystery and intrigue. I literally practice slowing down my walk, my gestures, how fast I turn my head, how fast I talk, and even how fast I blink.

Also, start taking up more space and opening up your physiology. If you’re seated, keep your legs and arms uncrossed. Keep your legs far apart and your shoulders back. Don’t lean forward; lean back.

This might sound a little far out to some people, but these LITTLE details make all the difference when dealing with a woman. It’s amazing how fast most women can detect insecurity, neediness, and low self-esteem.

I personally believe that when a man is self-confident (or more specifically, a woman BELIEVES that he is), women are attracted to him on an UNCONSCIOUS level. What I mean is that I think this behavior activates a part of a woman’s brain that can’t help but feel an attraction.

If you’d like a model of confidence, watch some James Bond movies. You’ll notice that James almost never smiles, and I can’t remember when I’ve ever seen him laugh.

But James is the sex symbol of masculine adventure.

Does he do the things that I mentioned above? Of course. That’s where I learned a lot of them. Ha!

Another way to demonstrate and project confidence is to PAUSE while you’re talking. Pausing on purpose creates suspense and tension.

It’s great. If you combine pauses with serious looks, you will create an air of power and confidence.

For example, you might say, “Well, if I were you, I’d just tell her what you think” like so… “Well… (pause) if I were you… (pause and look into eyes with serious look) I’d just tell her what you think.”

This creates what’s known as a ‘subtext’ to the communication. On the surface you’re talking about the normal conversation. But underneath, you’re communicating suspense, confidence, and mystery.

If you learn how to mix a seductive voice tone and body language with regular conversation, you’ll find that you can get women turned on talking about random things like the weather. Pause often. It will do wonders for your communication style.

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Insecurity and neediness are two of the biggest obstacles to success with women. Insecurity and neediness are like hemlock and arsenic – either will kill your attractiveness when dealing with women.

A man is needy when he craves attention or recognition. He shows that he’s insecure when he ACTS on these needs.

Insecurity shows up when a man does not feel comfortable with who he is or comfortable in a given situation. He acts tentative, weak, and unsure. He tries to put on a show of confidence which is obviously fake. He says things that are out of place in an attempt to get approval.

Women detect insecurity and neediness INSTANTLY.

Here are some examples of insecurity and neediness to avoid

• Hanging on a woman. Don’t touch a woman or crowd her too much in the beginning. Women take it as a sign of neediness and insecurity. Instead, lean back and let her become comfortable being around you.

• Talking or saying negative things about women or past girlfriends. If you talk too much about past girlfriends or other women, or say negative things about them, a woman will judge you to be insecure.

• Having emotional responses to things. If it’s obvious to a woman that you easily get upset about things, then she will judge you to be insecure.

• Looking to others to make decisions. Women like it when you decide what’s going to happen and then do it. If you are always asking, “Well, what do you think I should do”, “Where do you want to go tonight”, and “What do you want”, you’ll come off as needy. Just make decisions and go with it. If she has a different idea, she’ll let you know.

• Saying or doing things just to be noticed or to get compliments. I’ve known a lot of men who try to act cool or show off to get attention. This approach telegraphs to a woman that you’re insecure and needy. Don’t do it. If you’re cool, she’ll figure it out without you telling her.

• Arguing. This is my favorite. Some people feel like they need to argue with EVERYTHING. If you’re one of these people, just realize that this is a clear demonstration that you’re insecure and needy. You may always be right, but being overly argumentative is bad for your sex life. Deal with it. If you really want to argue with something, do it in a funny way and not in a serious way.

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The person who has thought something through is usually the one that gets the result they are looking for. A plan with a list of concrete actionable steps is one of the keys to reaching your relationship goal. It gives you the guidelines and determination to make the first steps, gradually moving closer to your soul mate dream.

To help you create a plan that is balanced, realistic, well thought-out and most importantly one that works I have listed below principles and strategies already used successfully by many others to manifest their soul mate reality sooner. Here goes:

Decide what you want (emotionally, intellectually, physically, sexually, spiritually etc.). Sit down and work out what life is all about to you and what you believe in. What is your vision for a fulfilling relationship? What level of commitment are you looking for? Are your beliefs and values empowering or limiting you?. Look at previous relationships, what was good and bad about them, what happened and what have you learned about yourself, about what you want and what you can not tolerate? What thoughts, words, beliefs, actions, things need to be changed (or removed) for you to be in alignment with what you want?

Break it down into small, clear, actionable steps. Understanding how we manifest our soul mate reality is already mind boggling as it is without us over-complicating things further with fantasies, myths, empty hopes or hype. These things deny us the power to truly transform to the point where we attract a soul mate or create a truly fulfilling relationship. A well thought-out plan that works must be simple and realistic. Breaking down a complicated concept such as this into small actionable steps makes it manageable. When you have manageable steps, you have a process you can more easily track. When you have a process you can more easily track, you have much more control and accountability. When you have more control and accountability you’ll attract love more easily and sooner.

Love magnetize yourself. It’s fullness and not emptiness that makes a relationship work. You know you are operating from a fullness mode when you are so full of love that you just can’t wait to offer some of your abundance to others. When you are truly in touch with your goodness, you’ll find that it overflows and that same goodness will return to touch you sooner than later. Do your inner work and get rid of the mental and emotional obstacles that obstruct you from unconditional love because when self-love develops without the capacities of spirit you become more focused on what you can get rather than what you can give and give in order to get. A relationship is not a possession, it is a process. You don’t acquire one, you get into one. The more you fill up your “emptiness”, the more you will grow and the easier it will be for you to attract someone special

Create an emotional snapshot. Basically this is an internalized emotional picture of how great you’ll feel when you’re with the right person, not what your love interest looks like, or what he or she does, but how you feel when you’re around them. Be outrageous and let your imagination fly. This does not mean thinking unrealistic, pie-in-the-sky stuff, like being able to suddenly perform superhuman feats. It means allowing yourself to stretch and believe in the beauty of your dreams. This will help you get in touch with and engage your emotional self. It will get you in a place within yourself where you really believe it can happen. If you don’t, it won’t.

Get courtship smart. Many people wait until they are in a wonderful relationship to start learning what makes a relationship great unaware that great relationships begin with your ability to court differently and feel confident and comfortable about yourself and about your sexuality. Take the time to learn whatever there is that will increase your sexual confidence. Learn the things that make you a great partner, lover, companion, friend and spouse. This is one way of attracting another great person.

Become your own dating service. You could meet your soul mate anywhere—it could be a current love interest, a person with whom you are already in a relationship, or the man or woman just down the block. Yes, you may even find yours in a chat room or he/she could walk right into your own living room. Does that mean that you should not get out and date? I don’t think so. Get out and meet people. The great thing about meeting as many people as you can is that the more you know about others the more you learn about yourself, and the more you know about yourself the more able you are to recognize your soul mate when you meet him or her. Your attitude should be “I commit myself to learning everything I can from this person and this experience.” Simply saying “Hi” with a smile when someone looks at you is powerful enough.

Trust, let go and never give up. We all go through a lot of trials and tribulations before we find someone special to love. There’s nothing wrong with temporary drawbacks. How we plan our dating and courtship is up to each of us as individuals, men and women, based on our values, morals, and who we are. Some people like to keep a learning journal. If you are one of those people, use a notebook, or a computer file. Jot down your actionable steps and visit your plan once a week. Other people find this process much more effective when they have a friend, coach or mentor to act as a “sounding board” and keep them on track. Pick someone who can be objective and give you honest feedback on your performance. Tell them what you hope to achieve. Talk with them at regular intervals review what you plan to do next and to get feedback on how you’re progressing. Always remember to make a note of how you are doing. (Give yourself a “reward” when you’ve achieved some of the things you set out to do!). The point is to devise a strategy to get unstuck when you get discouraged and down on yourself. If your first plan fails, try another plan. If that plan fails, try another and so on and so on. Keep trying until you find a plan that works. Often times we fail because we lack persistence in creating new plans in the place of those that fail. You only fail when you give up.

Attracting your soul mate starts with believing that the universe WANTS you to experience such JOY… ends with TAKING ACTION to change your life. Don’t wait until you meet your soul mate to start loving. Make loving a part of your life and others will fall in love with you

About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned
Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of
Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and
Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way. http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com

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From time to time, I attend exclusive and upscale singles’ networking events just to keep myself abreast with what’s happening in the dating world.

For a long time, my female clients have told me that it’s hard to meet “interesting” men despite all the many singles events in and around the Greater Toronto Area. The women say “Canadian men are really sexually boring” that’s why they’d rather sit by their computers chatting with “foreigners” across the border or far across seas.

I have never dated Canadian men because by the time I immigrated to Canada, I was already happily taken. So last Friday, I wanted to see for myself what the women meant, how I could help them and (if it’s true that Canadian men are really that boring), how I could help these “boring” men and many others who may have this “problem”.

Now here is the tricky part, when I arrived at this event, I had a problem telling who is “pure Canadian” and who isn’t. There were men of all shades and races, and except for a few, they all spoke with a “Canadian” accent. I decided there and then that my “research” on just Canadian men wasn’t going to yield any helpful results. But since I was already there, and had paid $75 to get in, I might as well make my time meaningful. So, instead of trying to spot “boring Canadian men”, I decided I could try to figure out “the sexually boring” in these men.

The men at these events do not know that I am a Dating/Sexual Confidence Coach (and know exactly how to draw then in like bees to honey), so I get hit on all the time.

These were my findings:

1. Besides the fact that I could not pick out who is truly Canadian, I did not find any particular trait that would make me conclude that all Canadian men are boring. There were some interesting characters and not-so-interesting ones. More not-so-interesting ones, I must say.

This Friday, I had the misfortune of being stuck with this guy — he just couldn’t go away despite my many attempts to ignore him, he followed me around like a puppy. Nice looking, well dressed, smelt good, looked like he went to the gym three times a week, very attentive, even asking intelligent questions and repeating my statements back to me BUT…

He told me he was considered a “nerd” because he always excelled academically and at 38 years old was at the top of his career. He said that just because he was a “nerd” didn’t mean he wasn’t an interesting and romantic guy. So I asked him what makes him romantic and he proceeded to tell me all the romantic things he does with women. They all seemed like really romantic stuff but the way he said them made them so unromantic and distasteful. His voice sounded like an untuned one stringed guitar, moreover with that one string too tight (really irritating to the ear), his face had a smile that looked like he was sneering at me, his body language looked like a soldier on parade and his eyes kept boring into my skull like an electric drill that couldn’t be switched off.

I tried to direct his wide open eyes elsewhere by pointing out interesting objects in the room, he looked at them very briefly and his eyes were back on my face like a miner’s searchlight. I am sure he must have read it somewhere that “women are attracted to men who keep direct eye contact”. George Clooney, Clive Owen, Denzel Washington and even 50 Cent are some of the men I have noted never seem to maintain that stupid glare called “direct eye contact” and yet they make even women they’ll never ever meet in person sleepless at night.

At some point I actually felt “pity” for this guy following me around but that is just before he started telling me how women were “stupid” by always falling for the “bad boy” because of the “excitement” bluh, bluh, bluh. I had to really fight the urge to tell him, he is exactly the reason why even thugs, abusers, moochers and their kind have so much luck with women. But I don’t think he’d have gotten the message. Being so “intelligent” all he’d have concluded –like most men — is that I am just another “stupid” woman who falls for “bad boys”.

My experience over the years is that men just don’t get the fact that it’s not the “bad” in bad boys that women crave, but rather the sense of “aliveness”; that feeling that underlies the basic human need to feel “alive” that women — and all human kind — look for. Rarely does a person — man or woman — ever fantasize about being in a ho-hum situation or being romanced by a corpse.

2. My interest was in narrowing down what my female clients meant by “sexually boring”. I have known men in my lifetime who drive women “crazy” just by their sexual presence alone, and/or by their ability to be so engaging, intriguing and spontaneous with how they played with their “sexual nature” so I had a pretty much good yardstick.

This –like I said — was an upscale event with none of that blatant untutored sexuality that we see so often on TV and elsewhere in the media. The MC had mentioned something about this being a collection of “Self-Actualized” men and women and the organizers had taken time to really find men and women who’d taken time to discover who they are as human beings and as sexual beings. Many of the men and women here were talking “New Age”, so I expected to see some level of “comfort” with sexuality, something that showed that these people were over and past the “puritan” era.

I was disappointed, almost shocked. There was none of that fluid, dynamic and evolving state of being that is characteristic of men and women who have genuinely taken time to discover who they are as human beings and as sexual beings. And may be because I grew up in a much more sexually expressive environment, I was sensitive to the fact that every time “sexuality” came up, there was some sort of “uncomfortable tension” in the air. That same untuned guitar-like voices, smiles that looked like sneers, bodies that looked like soldiers on parade and eyes that had that vacant fixed dull look.

Everything “sexual” seemed static, labeled and rigidly packaged in a facade of “Self-Actualized” or “New Age” terminology. Topics on sexuality always seemed to end up in “human rights, privileges and equality” and topics that touched on “the act of sex” were dissected and clinically discussed like some boring classroom subject we were studying for an exam. I got the sense that even the more “informed” men and women spoke about sex like it was something that happened to other people and not something they personally had some experience with.

I thought to myself, “how can seemingly sexually “liberated” men and women be this boring, uninspiring and a turn-off? Could this be the “sexually boring” thing my female clients keep talking about?” Then I remembered something I’d read that Abraham Maslow, the guy we all know for establishing the Self-Actualization Hierarchy Of Needs” said.

He’d studied the issue of human sexuality extensively for several years, and was considered by many as an expert in the field. Reflecting on his work he said: “One day, it suddenly dawned on me that I knew as much about sex as any man living–in the intellectual sense. I knew everything that had been written; I had made discoveries with which I was pleased; I had done therapeutic work. This was about ten years before the Kinsey report came out. Then I suddenly burst into laughter. Here was I, the great sexologist, and I had never seen an erect penis except one, and that was from my own bird’s-eye view. That humbled me considerably.”

It seems to me that there are many men (and women) who know so much about sex and sexuality in the intellectual sense but have a really HARD TIME relating their sexual nature to who they are as human beings or communicating who they are as sexual beings in ways that are attractive and pleasing.

Many of these men and women even intellectually know all about the right moves, techniques, tricks, and routines, and even know how to decode flirting and seduction body language but the opposite sex treat them as having very little or NO RELATIONSHIP VALUE.

Like the guy I was stuck with, he seemed to have “everything” that women look for in a guy except that “I am a sexual being” crucial quality. That sense of self and confidence that helps make us all well-adjusted sexual individuals who can connect personally and powerfully with the opposite sex, create memorable experiences for ourselves and the people we date and have relationships with.

Without that crucial quality you’re just “sexually boring” . The opposite sex find you nice to talk to on an intellectual level or email from time to time when they need someone attentive but they don’t find you sexually inspiring, exciting or appealing.

About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way. http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

In today’s busy life, men might not have enough time to find a true friend or a soul mate.

It has been seen that very often men get too involved with their career goals that they are not able to spend quality time to find a person of their dreams. Mostly they look for a partner whom they can date in their work area. It not only limits their choices but also they might have to wait longer to meet the woman they might like. Free internet dating site can give you more choices to find someone who can understand you better.

Helpful Online Dating Sites

Usually we meet our partners at work places, parties or social gathering. Now, there are free internet dating sites which provide an alternative to meet your friends and soul mate from your own city or different parts of the world. These sites are free to join. Once you join the site, it is entirely on the members how they make use of these sites.

Tips for Internet Dating

A man who meets a woman through internet site should follow some tips, which may prove helpful in vowing and impressing the woman. Some of these tips are :

Be Humorous and Creative

Men should be humorous while writing mails/chat and be creative while creating profiles on these free internet dating sites. This will make a positive impression of your personality on the women.

Don’t Hurry

In order to succeed in the relationships started through free internet dating sites, don’t be eager and in a hurry in convincing the woman for the first meeting. Women being more thoughtful in starting a relationship, take their own time in judging and accepting a man. Man should give the woman both time and space in deciding for their first meeting.

Discuss Families

Girls are most attached to their families. Do discuss sometimes about each other’s families. This will help in building confidence in each other and will open more topics to talk, for long period of time.

Be Honest

It is an old saying that the basis of a relationship is trust and honesty. Be honest to the girl about your past relationships. This will help you in future since you will have nothing to hide and you will be more open to each other.

Share the Future

Although one should discuss his past but one should also talk about each other’s future plans. The girl whom you see as your soul mate should know your future plans. This approach will reflect your maturity and throw light about your future plans.

The Right Approach

Free internet dating sites are just a platform for meeting new people. What one needs is the right approach and knowledge to make the optimum use of these sites. The tips discussed above can help men in approaching a person that can result in the beginning of a new relationship for a lifetime. Being true to yourself and the person you are talking to will help you in finding a perfect match.

Hey! What are you waiting for? Come and join Free Internet Dating or Internet Dating and find your lady! These tips will definitely take you a long way and join free now to start dating!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/